she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She told me I should be a condom model.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
