is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
