just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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