Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
