She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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