Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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