this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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