I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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