i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There are leaves in my underwear?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
