it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
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I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So. Much. Porn.
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