Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
