Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
