if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
