Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
