If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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