he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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