did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
