We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
