im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
