I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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