no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
