I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
