ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
