I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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