Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
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We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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