I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
