Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
