Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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