I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
