I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
