Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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