Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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