Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
