3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
