Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
