ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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