you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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