Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
