I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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