and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
