Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
