someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
