You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
