No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
