Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize