The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We need to rekindle our bromance
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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