My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
