I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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