Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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