i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
