i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
