yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
