dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ketchup is God's man juice
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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