Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
