i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
