Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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