I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
