Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
