best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
