I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
