On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
