Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
