I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
