I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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