but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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