Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
