Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
