3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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