You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
