a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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