I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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