well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
