so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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