Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
