my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
