i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
