In the future we'll all be gay
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
