Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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