bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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