Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I checked into jail on foursquare
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
