I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
