Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
