How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
