You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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